I wanted to summarize and share the major changes that contributed to my complete turn-around. There are three major changes I made, that brought me rapid results in contexts of life like health, relationships, business and fulfillment in general. Those are the following:
Rising my standards
First and by far the most important thing I did was I ROSE MY STANDARDS. Rising your standards means rising the expectation from you and what you deserve to achieve. The fact is that most of the people decides to settle for less and do not dream big, just because of fear, discomfort or beliefs that they don’t deserve it.
You would like to have that gorgeous girl you think it is hard to get, but you are too afraid to approach her, so you settle for less and approach less attractive ones or if some at all. The fact is that most people are terrified to approach such girls and don’t realize that actually is easier to get the one rated as 10 on a scale 1 to 10 than two rated as 6 on the same scale, just because of the fact that most people dare to approach 6’s rather than 10’s.
The same is true with other persons you admire. You are afraid to send an email to the person you admire whether in business or sport or music, to ask them for advice, because of assuming that he or she is too good to communicate with you and therefore they will turn your request down or ignore it. You will be amazed how many people are willing to help you as they will admire your courage and honesty about that.
Also if someone around you is behaving not in accordance to your standards, then you don’t have to tolerate that. For instance someone says something you don’t find funny and that person expects you to laugh just to get your approval, rising your standards means not accepting such behavior and not giving approval to it. What an option? Many people know that, only few of them do what they know.
When I started to learn this stuff, I decided to feed my mind only with stuff that help me acquire and keep my mental state. So I decided to eliminate contact with low energy or negative people that were just complaining about everything. Many such friends on Facebook, that were constantly posting depressions, complains or any statements not in alignment with standards, ended up deleted. The same happen in real life relations. That’s part of the standard now and my decision to feed my mind properly!
So rise your standards! Expect from you a lot and don’t settle for less. Step up and dream big!
Doing the most “unpleasant” tasks first
This one is related to time management or better to say life management, because the quality of life depends on the quality of time spent. So the key is when you start to organize and plan your life, you always do first things that you fear most, that seem most difficult or simply are the “unpleasant” in any sense. Brian Tracy called this to “Eat the frog” first and also gave a scientific background for the benefits of doing this. If you start your day by “eating a frog” (doing the hardest, most fearful, unpleasant etc etc thing), that’s actually the worst thing that could happen to you and because it is the “worst” thing, there is most testosterone released and therefore when this thing is accomplished most joy and fulfillment is felt and thus self-confidence is built.
Also it’s important from perspective of the 80/20 (Pareto) principle, which says that there are 20% of things we do or invest, that give us the 80% results. In other words if we have 10 tasks to do for today, there are 2 tasks, that are so important that would bring us 4 times more more results than other 8 tasks together. So usually these “unpleasant” things are between these 20%, which bring us the most results.
Doing the most “unpleasant” things first always, leads to developing a habit and therefore we becoming addictive to productivity, which again leads to success, fulfillment and self-confidence. Most people avoid starting with the “hardest” things and always start up with the “easiest” ones, never getting to the most “unpleasant”, so they end up being too busy with the other 80% of unproductive things, constantly wining, bitching and complaining about lacking time and never achieving something of satisfaction. You don’t wanna end up there!
Now I know, if something makes me fearful or seems hard or unpleasant to do, then this is the thing I HAVE TO DO!
When I was struggling with my digestive problems, one of the I decisions I made was to get healthy again and thus health became pretty important on my list of TODO’s. This task at first wasn’t an easy task. I was 12kg over-weighed, in no shape at all, didn’t had the knowledge nor the equipment. So this was a huge, ugly frog that I had to eat. But the decision was made so it was a “must eat” frog. I started with running in the park only for 10-15 minutes and through one month I was able to run for half an hour, which was a major achievement for me. It made me keeping on. With time and practice after 4 months I participated on a relay marathon (16 km) and the results I achieved gave me even more self-confidence. I was feeling much better with my health, I lost 10kg and had an enviable results on the marathon. To make long story short, doing this at first glance “unpleasant” task brought me the health I desired, more self-confidence and also projected positively on the other things I was doing. It was definitively in those 2% of important things (not 20%).
Practice this, develop a habit of doing whats important and watch how your productivity increases, your self-esteem grows and you feel more fulfilled!
Modeling the best
You don’t have to “reinvent the wheel”. You don’t always have to do the process of trial and error, before becoming good at something. If you want to be good at something, find the people that are already good at that, find the best ones and learn their behavior, their beliefs and model their mental state. Whether you are aware or not, you are always modeling someone. Maybe your parents, maybe your music idol, maybe a friend or a movie star, you are always modeling someone. Take a look around the people you are surrounded with, people you admire and ask yourself, are these people helping to get me to where I want to go, what I want to learn, what I want to be or not. If the answer is not a 100% YES, then my friend, it’s time for you to find better models!
The reason I’ve seen further is because I stand on shoulder of giants ~ Isaac Newton
So modeling is a process of building a model of a person that already does that you want to do. Often the model is not build through one try, but though a process of tweaks, changes and/or redesigns.
Don’t forget, usually is not enough to learn the behavior from the person you are modeling. It is important to learn their mental state and their beliefs too. Modeling implies doing thing not only physically, but mentally and emotionally too. Thus, don’t just learn the steps they are making. Learn their mindset, their emotions in each step. That’s the key of successful modeling.
Additionally, when you’ve built a model of someone, that you have tested for a while and worked for you, the key thing is that you start adding features of your own to it and make it unique. So the purpose of modeling is evolution which is done by extending the model to something more than it was initially designed (you add your uniqueness).
Many famous people modeled someone else when they were starting. It is well known that Bill Gates modeled Napoleon. He read every possible book about Napoleon. Madonna modeled Samantha Fox. Elvis Presley modeled the blues bands before his time. Etc Etc…
For instance, when I became totally into long-distance running, I decided to take it to the next level and learn from the best. One of the persons I admire in this discipline most is Stu Mittleman, the man who holds a record in running 3000 miles in 56 day. So I decided to follow his blog, read his book and even ask him advices privately per email. The value of information that I learned is tremendous. It would took me years of trial and error to learn this by myself. After acquiring this precious knowledge, my running performance increased, my training lasted less and I felt even better about running.
So go out. Find someone who can teach you. Ask him or her for advice. And watch how you grow rapidly. Make it fun!
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